Used Up, All for Good

“I just want you to use me.”

That’s what I’ve said to God for years. I deeply desire to utilize my unique gifts and personality to influence the world in a lasting way. My most satisfying endeavors have been when I’ve worked whole-heartedly with clarity and mission: serving in a food pantry, sharing education and resources with impoverished South Africans, and homeschooling my children.

Some of the assignments were brief, others stretched into years. Each experience affirmed the dreams and skills God was shaping into my life. But I haven’t always been able to see exactly what He wants me to do or what next step I need to take. Many of my adult years have felt like being marooned on a desert island called aimlessness.

When we have a plethora of interests, it can be hard to stick with one dream. The constant struggle to find exactly what it is that we love to do causes us to question our identity.

Obstacles creep in: self-doubt, fear, shame, comparison, and guilt.

So we spend our days second-guessing every opportunity because we want it to be perfect. We hesitate to make a decision and follow it into the unknown.

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The most ready of missional women have been immobilized by the all-consuming quest to uncover their unique purpose.

God longs to use us up, all for His good. What we are called to do may be simpler than we ever thought.

It’s winter.

I’m weeping in a Wednesday night church service. I feel like a tightly wound cord is binding my chest and my soul. In the dim corner of the sanctuary, I cry out to God, “I want to do it all.”

Read the full article in the Harmony edition of Thryve Magazine (p. 96). Access a free digital edition here.

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January 23, 2017